Regex

The easy way to make simple problems hard: ^\$?([0-9]+\.?[0-9]*)|(\.?[0-9]+)$

What Box?

This is what happens when I try to think outside the box and take notes at the same time during late afternoon meetings.

The Oval is Where He Poops

Excel, because sometimes you have to help your friend install flooring in his bathroom and you don't have a copy of AutoCAD.

Because why not

The world doesn't need another 8 bit adder using nothing but Ands, Ors, and Nots. I made one anyway.

Sick Reason

I like cough drops and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when the doc walks in with a hard tablet
The round thing you can't regret
You get sprung

Wanna pull up tough
Cuz you notice you're about to cough
I'm holding it in and swearing
I'm pretty sure people are staring
Oh, baby I wanna let it out
I'm trying not to shout
My homeboys told me too late
But this cough I've got
Make Me Expectorate
Ooh, robitussin
You say you wanna make me grin
Well fix me fix me cuz you aint doing worse than tea

You've seen me coughin'
I know you're scoffin'
They're Sweet,Discrete, and harder than old concrete

I'm tired of magazines
Saying Tylenol is the thing
Take the average sick man and ask him that
You can't top the drop

So Fellas? (yeah) Fellas?(yeah)
Has your cabinet got cough drops? (hell yeah)
Well suck it, suck it, suck that Ricola
Baby got cough drops

A Tilde the Pun

~

I found my purpose in life.

I enjoy having well researched, incorrect responses.

WITH ReportFolder (ReportName, Usefulness)
AS
(
SELECT R.ReportName
FROM Reports R
WHERE Usefulness = 10
UNION ALL
SELECT R.ReportName
FROM Reports R
INNER JOIN ClientsPerception CP
ON R.Usefulness >= CP.Usefulness
)
SELECT *
FROM ReportFolder

*** 0 Rows Returned ***

Hey Buddy, Let's have a code.

Hey buddy. I see you pretty much every day either coming into or leaving the parking garage. You're always driving a different car, but hey to each their own right? I can tell it's you anyway because you always seem to want to race me. We get to the top/bottom of the ramp, I go right, you go left. I can see you speed up to beat me to the end of the ramp. I gotta tell you, I'm impressed. No one can drive 5 mph faster than me like you can. I've also gotta say, I'm tired of racing. It's stressful dodging around all those people and motorcycles. I know being in front of me shaves 30 seconds off of your day, so here's the deal: Let's have a code. When you're behind me and want to go around, just honk your horn 3 times. I'll let you know I got the message by honking twice. Now, when I go left and you go right, I'll go really slow. That way you can go a normal (read safe) speed and not lose any time in your day. Anyway, I hope you're not too mad at me because I don't want to race anymore. I hope we can still be friends.

The Obama Cheer Program

Why I'm Going to Fail My Intro to Java Course

The requirement was to sort an array using compound and nested if statements.

What I was supposed to write:

if(names[0].compareTo(names[1])<0){
    if (!(names[0].compareTo(names[2])<0)){
       temp=names[0];
       names[0]=names[2];
       names[2]=temp;

       temp=names[2];
       names[2]=names[1];
       names[1]=temp;
    }
    else if (!(names[1].compareTo(names[2])<0)){

       temp=names[1];
       names[1]=names[2];
       names[2]=temp;
       }
    }
    else {
       if(names[1].compareTo(names[2])<0){
             temp=names[0];
             names[0]=names[1];
             names[1]=temp;
          if (!(names[1].compareTo(names[2])<0)){
             temp=names[1];
             names[1]=names[2];
             names[2]=temp;
       }
    }
    else {
       temp=names[0];
       names[0]=names[2];
       names[2]=temp;
    }
}

What I actually wrote:

if(true==false){
    System.out.println("Compound if statement requirement");
} else if (true==true){
    if (true==true){
       Arrays.sort(names);//nested if statement requirement
    }
}

Guide to Excel

Job Security

/* Job Security */
int main (){
    if(employmentStatusOfDeveloper()=="Active")
       launchApplication();/*Thanks for keeping me around*/
    else       displayPictureOfCatWithFunnyCaption();/*Sorry Guys*/
}

Conscientious Werds

Words I'm surprised I can spell:
Obsequious
Leprechaun
Marauder
Depolymerization
Nihilism
Queue

Words I'm surprised I can't spell:
Bannana
Wensday
Calender
Recieve
Restraunt
Feburary

The beauty that is Snort

Set up the Snort NIDS with is using an Apache server, PHP, and MySQL and here is the result of an nmap to the server.

mmmm....brains

A follow-up to Brian's handy Zombie survival guide: (See above)

The Zombie food-pyramid has everything the body needs!

Political Observations From Google Trends

Hillary can't win on her own.
hillary|clinton, obama|barack





Obliviously she will need to enlist help from China.
hillary|clinton|china, obama|barack






Which will work until Barack calls upon help from the internet.
hillary|clinton|china, obama|barack|internet

Why goto statements are bad practice

/* Real life example of the dangers of Goto statements */

int main (){
While(currentTime() >= toTime("8:00 AM")) &&
(currentTime() <= toTime("5:00 PM")){
doWork(calendarTask(currentTime()));
if(currentTime()==getLunchTime()){
goto Lunch;
}
}
While (currentTime() <= toTime("5:00 PM"){
doWork(calendarTask(currentTime()));
}
goHome(true);
Lunch:
While (currentTime() <= toTime("5:00 PM"){
//doWork(calendarTask(currentTime()));
}
goHome(false);
}

void goHome(bool productiveDay){
if(productiveDay){
exit(0);//Great Day!!!
} else{
exit(1);//Working from home tonight.
}
}

Crossbytes

First Image